Emotional self-control. EN

Carmen López

Psychologist. Master in Human Resources.

Looking for talent doesn't mean that you have to read a lot of curriculums, but to follow the trace it leaves: An excellent work. Because the most important thing is not what you learn, or the companies in which you have worked in. The most important thing is what you do.

You need five things to make your work exceptional: Energy, focus, time, creativity and an total commitment to quality.

Behind these five pillars there's just one thing: Motivation. Motivation is the difference between the world champion and the second classified. Motivation makes a runner run to the finish line when he has no more stamina left, a climber reach an impossible summit, a creator fight against himself until his work is perfect. With motivation you find time where there's no more time, motivation keeps your energy level and your focus at the highest level, and makes you see the world differently. When you are motivated you are capable of throwing away an almost finished work and starting it again until it is excellent.

The motivation is generated by the necessity. It's clear: If someone is hungry, no doubt he will put all his mental, physical and time resources to satisfy that necessity. The necessity is the motive; the necessity shoots the motivation up. This isn´t new. In the 1930's, Abraham Maslow proposed a theory about the human needs. According to it, the people who mobilize their resources do it on account of a necessity: Eating, sex, money, belonging, acknowledgement or self-realization.

But to find the source of Talent we have to look beyond the necessity. There´s no doubt that the physical needs subjugate the rest: Hunger, thirst, to avoid pain... but in developed economies, these needs are very often covered. Most of the people are motivated by the superior needs in the Maslow Pyramid: Money, power, belonging, freedom, acknowledgement or self-realization. And how the marketing experts and the sales people know very well, the needs can be created, changed or slanted. You just need to control one thing: the beliefs. If someone is absolute convinced about something he becomes unstoppable.

The beliefs are the origin of everything else.

We all have the ability to activate our emotional self-control. It can be innate or acquired - but its goal is to ensure that our emotions do not overwhelm us.

Lack of emotional self-control is often associated with aggressive people or dominant personalities. But in reality, we all lose control at some point. And this means that we do not achieve our goals and sabotage ourselves. The most important thing is to learn how to recognize these strong emotions and use the right techniques to control them. For example, lack of emotional self-control are: Trouble with a customer or colleague or constantly changing goals because we feel insecure.

Every event and every thought triggers a physical and emotional reaction. This can be appropriate to the situation or, on the contrary, insufficient or even exaggerated. If a stimulus is too strong, it can cause the physical or emotional symptoms that cause the person to suffer.

Emotional self-control does not mean "not having emotions" or "not being oneself," as some people spontaneously state. Learning to handle emotions correctly contributes to the development of our emotional intelligence and helps us to deal better with ourselves and others and to achieve our goals. Through emotional self-control we learn to recognize our motivations and become aware of the interplay and the relationship between emotions, thoughts and behaviour.

Let's take an example. Peter (name changed) is 37 years old and was recently promoted to head of department. After his professional advancement he had developed physical and psychological symptoms. At first glance, this reaction seems paradoxical, because when he learned of his promotion, he was pleased, proud and grateful for the recognition of his work.

The reason why Peter came under pressure because of the new situation was that he was afraid that his colleagues who were suddenly his subordinates would lose respect for him. At the same time, he was afraid of disappointing his superiors, because they trusted him. Peter had observed that there were clearly disloyal, incorrect behaviors in the team that affected work performance. However, fearing reprisals or negative remarks about him, he was unable to talk to his former colleagues about it. He was afraid that they would call him a bad boss, authoritarian or no longer "the same" because of his new position. His thoughts went round in circles: "You will not respect me", "You will call me a bad boss", "I am not good enough to lead them and be a great boss"... His restlessness increased and his concentration at work decreased greatly.

This negative mental concatenation led Peter to physical symptoms such as palpitations, shortness out of breath and muscle tension. He was in a rage. Wherever possible, he avoided complicated situations and confrontations. He became increasingly dissatisfied and his suffering and constant fear grew steadily.

Peter learned the following techniques to interrupt his spiral of fear. These exercises were about him learning how to control his impulses and reactions and how to master them again.

1. Physiological Techniques:

Breath control. A large and slow breathing has a positive influence on our nervous system, fights stress and calms us down. There are various exercises with which we work on the rhythm of our breathing that help us to relax.

Muscle relaxation: Many of our thoughts and behaviours trigger a feeling of anxiety and thus tension in our muscles. Muscle relaxation is easy to perform: It consists of a series of muscle exercises with tension-relaxation sequences.

Biofeedback techniques: This technique is based on a system of sensors that make the patient aware of physiological parameters such as blood pulse, body temperature, etc. The affected person learns to connect and understand his psychological sensations with the reactions of his body. With a little practice, the physical processes that negatively influence our lives can be consciously controlled and kept in check.

2. Cognitive technique:

This technique is based on identifying "irrational and destructive thoughts and replacing them with alternative, rational thoughts. In this way we learn and strengthen realistic and healthy thinking.

A. Automatic negative thinking

"I'm not a good boss.“

B. Identification of distorted perception

Negative label.

Negative affirmative distortion.

C. Positive rational answer

"I have no reason to believe I'm not cut out to be chief. On the contrary, my superiors think I can do my job well - that's why they offered me the new job."

"I'm talented and learned my trade from the ground up - so why shouldn't I be a good boss? "I've certainly earned this career move."

3. Behavioural techniques:

Think about your optimal behavior for different situations and practice it in your mind.

Define concrete scenarios how you can overcome your fears on your own and then try to turn them into reality.

Results:

They achieve physical and mental well-being.

You will learn techniques to help you control and overcome your fears, stress and other symptoms now and in the future.

They learn to recognize emotional disorders and stressful behaviors and to clear them out of the way.

We all have the power for self-control within us - it is our personal "superpower". It helps us to cope with the adversities of life. Learning the techniques can help us improve our quality of life and dramatically improve our satisfaction and performance.