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If you get angry, you lose. EN

Carmen López

Psychologist. Master in Human Resources.



Looking for talent doesn't mean that you have to read a lot of curriculums, but to follow the trace it leaves: An excellent work. Because the most important thing is not what you learn, or the companies in which you have worked in. The most important thing is what you do. 

You need five things to make your work exceptional: Energy, focus, time, creativity and an total commitment to quality. 

Behind these five pillars there's just one thing: Motivation. Motivation is the difference between the world champion and the second classified. Motivation makes a runner run to the finish line when he has no more stamina left, a climber reach an impossible summit, a creator fight against himself until his work is perfect. With motivation you find time where there's no more time, motivation keeps your energy level and your focus at the highest level, and makes you see the world differently. When you are motivated you are capable of throwing away an almost finished work and starting it again until it is excellent. 

The motivation is generated by the necessity. It's clear: If someone is hungry, no doubt he will put all his mental, physical and time resources to satisfy that necessity. The necessity is the motive; the necessity shoots the motivation up. This isn´t new. In the 1930's, Abraham Maslow proposed a theory about the human needs. According to it, the people who mobilize their resources do it on account of a necessity: Eating, sex, money, belonging, acknowledgement or self-realization. 


But to find the source of Talent we have to look beyond the necessity. There´s no doubt that the physical needs subjugate the rest: Hunger, thirst, to avoid pain... but in developed economies, these needs are very often covered. Most of the people are motivated by the superior needs in the Maslow Pyramid: Money, power, belonging, freedom, acknowledgement or self-realization. And how the marketing experts and the sales people know very well, the needs can be created, changed or slanted. You just need to control one thing: the beliefs. If someone is absolute convinced about something he becomes unstoppable. 

The beliefs are the origin of everything else. 


Imagine: After reading an email, receiving news or having a conversation you feel attacked.
In tenths of a second you secrete stress hormones that make you feel bad, almost sick, and you focus all your attention on what you interpret as an attack. It's natural, it's a response that comes automatically from our primitive brain.
To lessen your discomfort, your first reaction is to fight back, but you will most likely make a mistake. You may be misinterpreting the message, you may be overreacting, and you may be ruining an important relationship forever.
How can you lessen your discomfort and still respond effectively?

Here's what you can do:
1. Immediately write down what you would say to that person. Put all your anger on paper. When you are done, the first surprise will be that your stress level has dropped. By expressing your discomfort, your brain interprets that you are defending yourself, and reduces the secretion of hormones. 

2. Forget about it until the next day. This way we can calm down even more.
3. The next day, calmly analyze again what that person has told you.
4. Go over what you wrote last night.
5. Prepare your reaction again. You are now in the best position to respond appropriately and to gain from the situation. Speaking calmly gives much more weight to your arguments.

Remember: You can express anything calmly.
If you get angry, you lose.

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